I'll Always Love You
by TwilightKitsune1
Summary: Just a few of Tatsuha Uesugi thoughts...Please R&R!


**SUMMERY:** Just a few of Tatsuha Uesugi thoughts. . . .

**DISCLAMER: **I do not own any of Gravitation it belongs to Maki Murakami. And hey lets face it if anyone else owned it, it wouldn't be as good as it is. Sorry if I offended anyone but hey I only speak the truth.

I'll Always Love You

By: Aeroelem

I stood there in the crowd watching him. I always wanted to watch him, to be near him. It was a long time ago when I fell in love with him. He had such spirit and it showed in his music. I had finally gotten my chances to stand near him and I actually touched him, even talked to him. I felt as if my heat had stopped.

Every time I talked to him, he seemed as if he was a child. An innocent child that never knew how cruel life was, then I saw the real him. He was serious and that is when I knew he knows how cruel life is; probably even better then I did. He knows how hard things in this life are but I also saw that he was lonely. My idol was actually very lonely. It hurt as I watched him go through life with only a stuffed bunny as a friend. To make it worse he even wore a smile through everything. That made my heart weep.

Finally, I got to be with him. Not as an obsessed fan that followed him but as a friend of his friend. I met him and I couldn't stop myself as I embraced him. He seemed so frail when I looked at him, and his body was so small compared to mine. I think I scared him when I embraced him so suddenly but that look that he made to cover his sorrow made me lose control of my body. As I held him, I knew that he would never want to see me again after this sudden action but instead I felt him mold into my hold. He seemed as if he enjoyed it. As if this was the only thing he wanted all his life and finally he was getting it. My heart, I knew, speed to unbelievable speeds in the moment of happiness.

However, as much as ether of us wanted it he had to stop and ask me to let go. Of course I released him, though I missed his warmth as soon as it disappeared from my arms. I could get any person around me with empty words and a cheep smile. I could have them in my bed just as soon as I say a small hello and a cheep line, an empty promise and sweet words. I could have the love of any woman or man, but none would have the warmth that I craved. The warmth that I craved was from someone else, someone I could never reach, never have. That person is the one that holds so much sorrow and pain, and they are the only one that can make my heart even beat. They bring me to life but I know I will never have them. I know that they are beyond my reach; and knowing that my heart turns back into a stone block.

As I was about to leave with the person who brought me he would speak up. His voice seemed so small and he did seem like a child if you only heard that soft, sweet voice. That voice was a voice I didn't think he had, it was a voice that was filled with uncertainty and hope. That voice made me think it was a melody, a soft melody played for children. "Will you be coming to visit us again?" That was all he asked, a simple question that made my heart flutter with joy.

He wanted to see me again! He didn't think I was some lunatic or obsessive fan. I loved this feeling that was coursing through my heart. It seemed as if some strange sensation of joy was coursing through me. The one person I knew I could love, the one person that I knew felt as lost I did, the one person that was the center of everything to me. He wasn't scared of me or freaked out cause of my actions. Then it hit me, I could be there with him and slowly have him love me like I love him, even a small bit would be fine. I could be near him with the simple thing that I always found to be stupid or unneeded in life; I could be near him as his friend. My heart still beat with an amazing sensation of joy.

After answering his question with a simple nod, he squeaked out in joy. His eyes lit with hope and impatience. He wanted to see me again and soon. So on the way out I asked him if he would mind if I stopped by and we had lunch together tomorrow. He jumped up and down and he agreed to it. Finally, I was going to be able to see him again and it wouldn't be through some one else.

The next day we went to the park because he insisted. As we were walking there he told me all that he did in the studio. That studio seemed as if they demanded a lot of wonderful singers to give all they got and then some. I had always heard from my brother how his lover always had a sore throat when he got back to his apartment when he just started. I was so jealousy of my brother for having someone that seemed to complete him. What made me even more jealousy of him was that he had a copy of the one that I wanted. He was a younger and less experienced form of my Ryuichi Sakuma. I had to hold my self together so my jealousy wouldn't show but it did some times and Eiri would point out that Shuichi was his and no one else's. Every time I saw how happy they were, I was so jealous of them and my heart seemed as if it stopped and filled with hate and so much anger.

After so many month's it had almost been a year and I knew him so well that I could tell when something was wrong. In the beginning as I started to see the real him I saw what hurt him so badly it is still a sore subject. The day I came to pick up Ryuichi, like I always did I caught him with that Hiroshi Nakano and Shuichi Shindou. They were always talking and seemed good friends so I never thought anything about it, but as I looked at them I saw Ryuichi staring at Shuichi with the look that I wanted from him. The look was that of complete and simple love. It hurt as I looked at it. He loved Shuichi as much as I loved him, maybe even more then how I felt toward him. His look was easily covered as Shuichi looked at him with a simple smile of friendship. That cover I saw through easily. The cover hid the hurt he felt as Shuichi had just asked him about Eiri Yuki. That was when I decided to save him because he hadn't been listening. My heart was stone as it always was when I approached him.

After the pain he went through as he watched Shuichi with Eiri, he had finally decided what I decided to do with him so many months ago. They were now just friends. My heart ached knowing that I would never get his attention but I am here. I am by his side and I am at his back watching out for him. The pain he goes through I see it and try to make him better. As he moves on, I stay behind in this place where I am denying myself the pleasures of life. He has moved on to his greatness and I stay back in the dark as I watch him. I see him happy and he has so many friends now. He laughs and stands in the sunlight with every one, as I stay in the dark tricking and fooling all that lay with me that they actually mean something to me. I know that and I always feel disgusted at my self as he looks at me with those innocent eyes.

Those innocent eyes that did not look to the worst part in life, continuing to move forward...

And my eyes that never experienced true love and remain where they are as I watch him.

I would give up all I had if only I could hold his love as he holds mine.

But for now. . . .

I am glad I can stand by his side.

I just hope I am by your side forever...

Because I will always love you.

My little Ryuichi Sakuma...

**-- OWARI --**

**AN:** WOW... I didn't think it would come out like this but hey, look it did. AND IT SUCKS! I know some of you are all like, "Hey Tatsuha Uesugi --which, if you haven't figured out, is the one that this story is in POV of**--** wouldn't be that melodramatic" but hey, this is just not how I wanted it. Truthfully, I was reading Gravitation when Tatsuha first meet Ryuichi when I thought of this fic. I was in a bad mood when I typed this and well I wanted it to end happy with a Ryuichi/Tatsuha pairing but well it went out of my control. And for those of you that think I nailed Tatsuha's persona, then hey I'm impressed some one actually liked it! If their aren't any all I got to say is "come on he is hard to get when your in a bad mood". The good thing is that I stopped myself before I killed anyone. So aren't you happy... If you aren't I might kill someone in my next one-shot, does that make you happy? If I still have people unhappy then there is no pleasing you people, unless you're like a few people that I know, then I know exactly how to please you.

-.-teehe

Please Review


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